The greatest enemy of women: other women.
I had asked my colleague Ralf for advice regarding a consulting mandate. He sent me the contact details of a consultant he knows. Comment: "Be careful. Tough Cookie." Colleague Nina, whom I also asked for her opinion about the proposed lady, immediately wrinkled her nose: "Bitch." Aha. I understand. He: "Tough Cookie." She: "Bitch." Madeleine Albright's statement that "there is a special place in hell for women who do not support other women" has meanwhile become a catchphrase. Unfortunately, this part of hell seems to be quite crowded. I wonder: Why do women so rarely wish each other well? Could it be because competitions between women are often fought as an eternal fight to the death? With men, it's the other way around: a short, intense confrontation and then buddies with beer again. What makes it so difficult for women to support other women? In the female pattern, we instinctively look more for the new "best friend." Mentally, we are still on the old schoolyard: If they don't like me, if I'm not part of the clique, I don't like them either. And soon you become part of the enemy image. This unconscious bias has to do with equality bias: We all unconsciously tend to prefer people who think like us. We all suffer from this equally. The particular catch for women is that we do look for "equals." But woe if they are too equal or just like us. Then we smell competition. Yet for real diversity, it is precisely necessary to switch off this bias and instead include people who think and act differently. Especially in the workplace and on the career ladder. Hillary Clinton is an example of this: being punished for refusing to be everyone's friend among women. Even by women who were on equal footing with her. Humanity has known this fight forever. With men, it is easier to notice: They stand face to face, shout a battle cry, and swing the sword. At least then you know what’s coming. Women, on the other hand, often work with poison: you often don't notice it or notice it too late. Men see each other more as a challenge, women more as a threat. Not as an enrichment of the work environment and possibly as a stepping stone to the next career step. Yet there are thousands of "shades of gray" between "enemy" and "BFF (Best Friend Forever)." BFFs are not necessarily needed for work relationships. What is needed now for women to support each other?
- Make clearly visible and tangible what can be gained with true diversity. Show the advantages clearly. When it is visible and tangible what someone is being asked for support for, it is easier to give it.
- Look more for camaraderie (yes, this is more attributed to the masculine pattern) instead of searching for the new best friend in every business contact.
- Focus on tackling challenges together, even if it often feels intimidating (because the other looks better, is more capable, or simply nicer…)
- Look for a female mentor
- Focus more on the result than on the process, without hiding your light under a bushel.
As we move to the "new now," isn't this THE opportunity to show ourselves in our very best feminine way? To not miss this train, in which men have long since taken their places again and are dividing the "post-Corona" positions among themselves. What we all gain from this: more support for feminine ideas. Better results with more diversity. And thus broader business appreciation for the feminine way of success.