"Yes, but" - "No, but" "Yes, but, no but"

If two people say the same thing, it does not necessarily mean the same To get straight to the point: Relativizing is the Dutch national sport of communication. There are two reasons for this: If you commit to a clear yes or no (without a relativizing addition), you automatically make yourself more unique than the Dutch sense of community considers appropriate. It feels as if someone almost claims the truth for themselves with such a clear statement! A clear YES is too boastful, a clear NO leaves no back door open. In good Dutch: “you simply shouldn’t stick your head above the parapet.” This is well observed in the Dutch media landscape, where it feels like more than half of all journalists’ questions are answered with a but after the yes or no… Germans tend to roll their eyes and think: “Get to the point.” While interviews conducted in Germany are often perceived as blunt in Dutch. Contradiction vs. Addition Furthermore, it feels like after a clear yes or no, the door for alternatives closes: “If I now irrevocably say yes or no, I will never get out of this one-way street again”… Something could still change during the course of the project. With such thoughts, Dutch people feel particularly uncomfortable in communication and negotiation situations. In the German-communicative environment, “yes, but” initially means registering a contradiction. And in the second instance, actually no. The “yes” was only a friendly communicative introduction and is irrelevant for the result. The same thing, in the Dutch-communicative environment, means: “I am thinking along,” “I have something to add,” and is more of a “negotiation offer” with the desire to move together towards a solution. Depending on the perspective from which you view the situation, corresponding courses of action arise: creating communicative clarity, making boundaries more visible. Self-perception vs. External perception From a Dutch perspective, every contract is always considered negotiable – even if the ink underneath has long since dried. You have to try, there might still be a better option… To be clear: that is, of course, the German view on contractual matters. Dutch people among themselves strongly adhere to the “afspraak is afspraak” (a deal is a deal) mode. Only compared to the German “carved in stone,” it is still very vague. Irritations are therefore pre-programmed: Dutch people quickly feel confined in their scope of action, Germans feel not taken seriously. What ultimately counts for joint success: The right balance of boundaries and permeability helps to create open communication structures on both sides. For Germans: show boundaries to be able to concentrate inwardly and consciously leave everything else “outside.” To score points with Dutch people: make boundaries as permeable as possible to include as many external influences as possible and keep perspectives open.   Without ifs and buts: Katja Schleicher live at Duitslanddag: 17.04.2018, Utrecht http://duitslanddag.nl/events/10-tips-voor-succes/